Friday, September 25, 2009

I'm a member of Fart Club

So I got an email from The Nest about this married life blog entry titled "The First Rule About Fart Club is Don't Talk About Fart Club". Interested, I read it. And all I can think is 'what's the big deal about farting in front of your husband/boyfriend/fiance?' I can understand when you first start dating that you want to put your best foot forward and only gas it up once you are completely open and comfortable with each other.

Sure there are appropriate times and places for farting, and if one slips out, well just make sure you can walk away quickly, have the ability to waft it away, or blame it on someone else. But denying yourself the very natural tendency to fart when the opportunity knocks in the privacy of your own home in front of whomever is ridiculous. To me that ranks right up there with holding in a bowel movement all day long because you don't have access to a private commode. I don't think I'll ever be able to do that and I can't fathom trying to. I honestly feel bad for the Mr. and my sister who refuse to use public toilets for such bathroom duties.

Everybody poops. Everybody farts. And I think it's completely insane to think otherwise. You're just lying to yourself. The Mr. used to think that girls never pooped. Well, there is a hole in my bum for a reason and it's not for insertion, my dear. Think of farting and pooping as a natural cleanse for the body. You don't want to be bloated with negative toxins do you? A healthy dose of farting and pooping keeps you healthy and the plumbing regular! With a case of IBS and, I'm become more convinced, a delayed onset of Crohn's disease, I'm pretty much an expert on bowel movements and flatulence.

The Mr. and I fart in front of each other all the time. It's quite funny. Call us immature, but if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? Well, there are plenty of people to poke fun at, but you can't take yourself too seriously. And I'm pretty sure that the words fart and poop and the act of farting will never cease to humor me. I chuckle just writing this.

Now, just because I support farting and pooping doesn't mean you have to talk about the acts if you are uncomfortable with them. Just don't deny yourself the natural processes.

And I must address the peeing with the door open thing. The Mr. is not all surprised to come up the stairs and see me on the pot. Of course it's not sexy, but when has relieving yourself ever been sexy? I'm comfortable enough around my husband that I don't feel the need to make the effort to close the door when I know it's just he and I at home. And he does it too. I guess if you and your mate are on the same page about the issue, what's the big deal? Now, I don't poo with the door open if you're wondering. The Mr. put a stop to that before it even started.

So if you are a chronic farter, go ahead and pass that gas. Better out than in I say. Remember it's for your health. You'll live longer. I don't know if that's true, but I imagine if your bowels are healthy that's got to be a factor in your calculated lifespan.

Never hold in your farts. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where shitty ideas come from!

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