Wednesday, July 14, 2010

what-not-to-wear-wednesday: men's fashion crimes

I found this article via Shine from Yahoo and had to share. Do you know any guys who commit these fashion crimes? Sadly, I know a few.

1. Ed Hardy and other blaring labels. If this is true, then Jon Gosselin and "The Situation" are the worst dressed men on the planet. It's probably true.

2. Mandals. I'm not offended by men wearing sandals. But, gentlemen, if you insist on sporting said footwear, please, please, please (I'm begging you!) cut your toenails and invest in foot cream. There is no bigger turn off or nausea-inducing sight that disgusting man feet. Am I right, ladies?

{photos from various Internet sources. I mean no copyright infringement. Please don't sue me.}

3. Speedos. Just don't do it. Ever.

{of course, I would find the biggest douche bag photo}

4. Hawaiian shirts. Not the best style choice, but certainly not the worst. However, men can only get away with wearing this tropical top during the summer.

5. Too much jewelry. Some jewelry on guys is totally OK. But if he's wearing more bling than Jay Z's pimped out Caddy (I'm pretty sure driving a Cadillac is a requirement for rappers. No?), I think he's crossed the line.

6. Jorts. Guys, khaki cargo shorts goes with every tee or polo you'll don during the summer. Invest. And if you insist on jorts, please keep them at or below the knee. Just like ugly feet are a turn off, so are man thighs (my sister hates man thighs).

7. Novelty ties and boxers. Not a big deal in my book. More of a conversation piece really.

8. Square-toed shoes. As long as a guy wears dress shoes with dress pants, I don't care if their rounded or square.

9. Baggy/saggy pants. A New York senator funded a billboard campaign saying, "raise your pants, raise your image." Well said, Senator. The world does not need a sneak peek at your undies and droopy, diaper butt is not attractive. Just like some men, some women are ass women. Please show us what you've got.

{photo via Fedoras are a classic thanks to people like Frank Sinatra.}

10. Fedoras. I'm personally cutting this from the Shine list. Fedoras are classic and, if the guy doesn't try too hard, can be sexy.

11. Pleated-front pants. I don't prefer them, but pleated-front pants aren't that bad.

12. Electronics clipped to your belt. This is a pet peeve of mine. What's wrong with putting your phone in your pocket? Everyone knows you're not that important because if you were, you wouldn't have to wear your phone on your belt. Your personal assistant would carry your phone for you. If you can't fit your phone in your pocket, then your pants are probably too tight and you should do everyone a favor and get bigger pants, but heed the warning of #9. Unless you're a construction worker, cop, and I'll even through in farmer and cowboy (because they get too dirty to make good fashion choices), put the phone in your pocket or I'll make fun of you. I digress.

13. Socks with sandals. Though you are saving me the grief of looking at your nasty feet, this is another one of those things you just don't do. Ever. If you're going to wear sandals, just wear sandals. If you insist on always wearing socks, just wear shoes.

14. Bad socks with dress shoes. Don't be tacky; stick to solid colors. Just don't do navy socks with black pants. They are NOT the same color.

15. Sweatpants. I'm taking this one off the list too. Though the majority of sweatpants wearing should be at home or the gym. But I won't be mad if you make the occasional grocery store run in them.

16. Sports jersey/uniform out of sports setting. I think it's great that you're a dedicated fan. But don't you have a t-shirt you can wear to support your team when it's not game day? The jersey does seem a bit much, especially if that sport isn't even in season.


cal ;) said...

please confirm: my dad's hawaiian print ohio state shirt - yes or no? i have been saying no to this for YEARS. hahaha. love this post!

Molly said...

HILARIOUS, Holly! I'm emailing it to Jarrod right now :)

Emily said...

Hilarious! You were more generous than I would have been. Hawaiian shirts are ONLY okay if you're in Hawaii or some other tropical location. :P

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