Thursday, March 8, 2012

the million dollar question

When are Shawn and I going to have babies?

 {combine this deliciousness and they would be completely precious, no? I kid. I kid. But seriously, they'd be cute, right?! RIGHT?!!!!}

I {and we} get this question frequently.
So do you wanna know the million dollar answer?

{insert theme song from Jeopardy}


We have no idea.
Not a friggin' clue.
Could be three years. Could be five. Could be never.

Were you expecting something better? More definite?
Were you expecting me to announce my pregnancy?
Sorry to disappoint. But not really.

The reason we don't know isn't because we don't talk about it.
We talk about it quite often.
We're just not in a rush. We don't feel the need to follow any life plan.
Even if we had a life plan, which we don't, babies wouldn't be the first thing on it.
Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!
Yeah, probably not even second or third.
Honestly, number one on our no-name list right now is a house. One with a big yard for our dogs.
Meet the girls:



And I can't forget about Grady:

These biatches rule our roost.
Typically, when someone asks when we're going to have babies, I tell them we have dogs.
They are undeniably our children. And we treat spoil them as such.

But seriously, we're just not ready.
I know, I know, they say you'll never be ready for kiddos {rolling eyes}.
And though I may never be "ready" to be someone's mother (lawd, help my child}, I do think there is a better time and a bad time to have children.
Take for instance Teen Mom. This is the epitome of bad timing. Don't get me started on how disgusting I think it is that our society glorifies these juvenile turds and their poor decisions. And I refuse, REFUSE to watch this garbage. But for those of you that partake in the viewing of this catastrophe on television, I will pass no judgement, but only say on your behalf, "Thanks for entertainment, stupiiiiid {insert honey badger voice}!"

Right now, is a bad time for Shawn and I.
In our minds.
Not Teen Mom bad, just not a good time for us to be poppin' out ginger babies {cause ya know meh babies gon' be havin' some fiery red locks like meh baby daddy}.
We don't consider ourselves financially "stable" - we live paycheck to paycheck, but we're moving in the right direction, as Shawn would say. And that's something I want for my child(ren). Stability.
I'm also in grad school embarking on a whole different career path. Shawn is toying with the idea of grad school. We need to get this shiz figured out before our career stress influences the development of our children. Because it does. And it will.
We like our sleep. We enjoy our free time. We want a larger home for our family.
In three words - We.Are.Selfish.
There I said it.
We're about US right now.
And our fur babies. Obvs.
And I think it's important to be honest about it and not feel bad about it.

I always feel like I have to justify my non-readiness to people.
But here's the deal.
I'm not just going to turn into some baby maker because I got married in my 20s, and society has put some expiration date on my eggs sometime around the age of 30 {at least from my perspective}.
If that's in your life plan, then get after girlfraaand! I will stand proudly behind you in your decision to procreate, just like I have some of my best friends.
And I will join you mommas in my own time.

Does anyone else sometimes feel the pressure - not just from family or friends - but society in general?
Like random older women in the grocery store who have no business asking you about your sex life?
Because isn't that what it is essentially?

I'm just not ready.
We're just not ready.
I'm not ready to give up my body. My sleep. What's left of my sanity. My "me" time. My "Shawn" time.
I'm not ready to be responsible for another human being.
I'm not ready to devote every ounce of my being to someone who relies almost solely on me.
It's a big decision to have babies. And not one that either Shawn or I take lightly.
I think that's saying something about us. About our relationship.
We're on the same page.

I applaud those of you who are ready for that step in your lives.
You are brave, beautiful, amazing women.
And I am sure I will come to you for advice when my baby-making time comes.
But until this world has the pleasure of meeting our ginger babies, you know where we stand.
We're just not ready.
And I'm OK with that.



mandell said...

I can imagine how annoying this question is for y'all. I get annoyed answering it bc A) we're not even married yet and B) I feel like I make it clear to the people I CARE to tell...

Whenever y'all get to it though, the world will be happily waiting the arrival of your ginger babes! We gotta keep this ginger population up!

Miss Chelsea said...

Good for you! I feel pressure that I'm 24 and half and still single but I don't want to be married right now! I'm not gonna rush into somethin just because someone deemed it age appropriate like you said!

Kate said...

I am 1 month shy of being 31 years old and, literally, no one asks me when we're having kids because I have silenced them all at this point. Haha!! I feel that it is SO important to build a solid marriage than it is to rush into having kids. I do not want to get divorced. Kids and the stress or kinds change a marriage. It always will. I want to go into having kids knowing that my marriage is as solid as possible and that we've fulfilled everything that we wanted to "just the 2 of us." Good on ya for not rushing. And don't worry, your eggs will be just fine when you're 30 :)

Heather said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! I feel like I wrote it! This is exactly how my husband and I feel. We got married young (23 and 27). And we've only been married 2.5 years. But I can't tell you how I often I get asked this question. I have a pretty stable HR career and my husband just passed all parts of his CPA exam. So we've really been bombarded lately! But that's definitely not at the top of my list... Actually... I'm not sure if its on my list at all!! :)

Ashlee @ They Lived Happily Ever After... said...

AMEN!Totally not ready either!

Emily said...

I love this post!! no need to rush!

Lindsay K {lastyearoftwentysomething} said...

Good for you 2! Don't rush into anything you are not ready for! There really is no rush. Women are having babies in their 40s these days and with modern science, probably in their 50s! Take your time and do whats right for the both of you! I'm pushing 30 and I'm just hoping to get married soon haha!

tara said...

we are on the same page. now that we have been married for 2.5 years, people love asking when we are going to have kids. and like yall, we are just not ready yet! people never seem to be satisfied with that answer though!

Mary said...

Well said! My sister and her hubby got married at 23 and waited until they were 30 before they had Lizzie! Some things are worth the wait :)

Neely said...

Peeps need to mind their biznasss

Kristin said...

kudos to you for knowing its not the right time!

lori said...

great post. my hubs and i have been married almost 2 years, and i cannot tell you how often people ask us when we're going to have kids. first off, its rude... its really none of their business... and what if God forbid, the woman you ask is having trouble getting pregnant and its a very sore subject? how insensitive.

i would like a family sooner rather than later, but there are several things that i want to get sorted out first. number one is i need to have a job... i would like us to be more financially stable. and i also want to buy a house first. (not that theres anything wrong with people who don't do it in this order... this is just what i want). we're just not ready, either. thanks for making me not feel alone ;) im 25... my eggs are still good for a while... right?!

Anonymous said...

Agreed sister. Tim and I get that all the time and we're not even married yet. We have out two awesome dogs, wanna buy house, wanna get know. We no longer live in a time where you get married at 19 and pop out kids. Do it on your own time and what makes you comfortable. It's your lives. It's funny though because I say the same thing, "oh, we have dogs" It makes people give me a funny look, but I don't care! LOL.

Audra said...

Even though I already knew this about you, Kudos for writing it all down! I am so proud to have a friend that makes sane, rational decisions when it comes to what I think is the biggest step in a person's life. Having a child isn't something that should be taken lightly, and it irritates me to no end when someone says "Oh, it's time to have a baby, that's the next step." What?!? It's not a recipe, it's a life-altering decision, and you shouldn't be on on the fence about it AT ALL.

Good for you sister! Besides, I selfishly want you to devote all of your baby attention to being Aunt Holly ;-)

Rachel said...

This is so funny!! My husband and I have started getting the million dollar question lately mainly because we have been married over 3 years and my brother and his wife recently had a baby.

And we definitely talk about our dogs when people ask about kids and sometimes are those people who will show photos of our pups and talk about them like other moms talk about their kids.

I think it's a very personal decision and good for y'all on taking your time!

Lauren said...

Love that you wrote this! I feel the exact same way after being married 3 years, and we aren't near ready either! I tell people all the time that I guess I'm just too selfish right now and am not in a rush!

Nikki said...

I completely get this. We seem to get more pressure to have the second than we did to have the first, and we just don't feel like we even want a second. And apparently that is just unacceptable.

You hang on to your believes. Parenting is not something to get into just because others say you should.

Mateya said...

Good for you for being honest and not just going with the norm. If you're not ready, you're not ready. There's nothing wrong with waiting and having a stable marriage, finances, a house, etc.

Each person has their own reasonings and people need to learn to mind their own business. It's amazing how quick people are to ask or judge others on things such as marriage and kids. Those things are so PERSONAL, it makes no sense for others to be so nosy!!!

P.S. You are going to have adorable little red headed babies :)

elizabethashleyphoto said...

I get this constantly! Even from people at work or random acquaintances who barely know me, which I find inappropriate on both accounts. THANK YOU for this post...glad to know others share the same feelings.

Carolyn said...

I hear ya! We've been getting this question like crazy, and we've only been married 5 months!!! I say wait until YOU TWO are ready... everyone else can just hush up. :)

And I COMPLETELY agree with you on Teen Mom! I can't believe we're paying these kids to be trainwrecks. NOT ok.

Whitney @ Everything Happens For a Reason said...

My hubby and I aren't ready either. We just got married this past June 2011. We want to enjoy each other and married life. We also have two big pups, and they keep us plenty busy. Plus, my hubby will be deployed, and I don't want to be pregnant, while he is gone. I want us to go through the pregnancy together. So, that's one of the reasons we are definitely waiting.

Katie said...

We are with YOU girlfirend!!! :) PREACH IT! I love how you said everything and I do think it's so important to have husband and wife time before kid time. I'm glad we wil be on the same page so our kiddos can be friends :) hehe

J and A said...

That question in the WORST. You current babies are adorable.:) We love our fur baby too.

Nicole said...

I have thought about doing a post on the same thing!! We have been married 4 years and we started getting that question a month after we were married!! We just wanted to enjoy being married & not feel pressure to have kids right away. Several of my friends are pregnant & I have been feeling panic like maybe we should start trying but that is not the reason to try. That is their life & this is mine. Thank you for posting this & i'm so glad to see others feel the same.

Michelle (michabella) said...

It will always be something!! First its when are you getting engaged, then married, then kids, etc. Seriously you do what you gotta do when you wanna do it. Its YOUR life. No shame in not being ready. Having babies is no easy thing (not that i would know.. im just a crazy furmom)!


Mrs EyeCanSee said...

Having a child because society thinks it's time is so the wrong reason, yet seems to be why SOOO many couples do it! Kuddos to you guys for knowing what's best for you! Enjoy these carefree days!

Oh...and once you finally decide to pop out a little ginger, don't think the asking will stop. In fact I think it gets worse because once you have one it's like the flood gates open and everyone is dying for you to have another!

Mrs EyeCanSee said...

Having a child because society thinks it's time is so the wrong reason, yet seems to be why SOOO many couples do it! Kuddos to you guys for knowing what's best for you! Enjoy these carefree days!

Oh...and once you finally decide to pop out a little ginger, don't think the asking will stop. In fact I think it gets worse because once you have one it's like the flood gates open and everyone is dying for you to have another!

meghan said...

I found you from Katie's blog, and I like you already. People are stressing me out with the babies at my age (I'm 26), and though my fiance and I are getting married this summer, I'll just lose my cool if people start asking ever. It's none of their biz.

Kristin said...

Oh my gosh! It's like you have completely read my mind. I was just thinking about this yesterday.. I have been dating my boyfriend for 10 years, and I am always getting asked when we are going to get married and start having babies. What is up with people? I am so happy that other wonderful women, like yourself, are just into their ME time as well. I don't think it's anything to feel ashamed about either. I, like you, may never have children (I am still on the fence about the whole thing), but I am very happy with our 3 fur-children (1 dog, and 2 kitties). I wish people would realize that unconditional love for animals is just as good as love for your own human children. Sorry I will stop my rant..but I am so glad to know that other people relate to me. Thanks!! Now I know I'm not crazy! =)

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