Thursday, May 31, 2012

priorities

Some of you might know that I'm getting my masters in community counseling.
Now, you all know!
Well, right now I'm taking a class where we practice our counseling skills in triads.
I was nervous as all get-out to be the counselor {which I was first in my triad}, but after my 20 minutes were up, I actually thought to myself, "Hell, I might actually be good at this counselor gig thing after all!"
I use the word "good" loosely as I still have a lot to learn and a lot of practice to go.

Part of the triad was taking my turn being the client for 20 minutes.
I knew exactly what I was going to "ramble" on about.
Priorities.
I say ramble because that's exactly how it went down. I was a hot, rambling mess, which pretty much sums up my priorities right now.
But the girl who was my counselor really reigned me in and helped me gain some perspective.
 I'll try to be brief.



My life is busy and I like it that way.
I'm not one to just sit around, and when I do, I almost feel guilty for not doing something {so sometimes I take a nap}.
But a lot of times when I have any free time at all, I fill it rather than just embracing the "me time" or the slowness of it.
And this means that something, or in my case someone, takes a back seat to my constant need to be busy and keep a full schedule.
The person who gets put on the back burner is the one person who should be at the top of my priority list: my husband.
We have had many talks about my being too busy for him, for our fur babies, for our home.
I had an epiphany while talking to my fellow counseling student: I take Shawn for granted. He is always there for me and I completely take advantage of his reliable-ness. His love, support and impeccable house cleaning and pet-caring-for skills.
I put other people, other events, other to-dos, other wants before him.
I know what you must be thinking, I'm a horrible wife.
I feel horrible for doing this to him for so long.
But I have recognized this mistake and owned up to it, and he is forgiving me. 
I am working on setting my priorities straight. And Shawn has to be my numero uno.
Not because this is what he wants, but because it's what I feel is right for us, for me and for our marriage.



There are of course those things in my life that have to get done, i.e. work, school, coaching {but not more time than is necessary}. And then there are the people who deserve some time and energy, i.e. Shawn, my family and the friends who make my life better.
I have always had a hard time saying no.
When someone invites me to do something, asks me to help out with something, etc., I usually say yes.
This is most of my problem.
I say yes because I feel like I will miss out on something, or I'll let someone down, or someone won't be my friend or invite me again.
But the truth is, my true/best friends will understand. They won't right me off if I can't help out because I already have plans with other friends or my family, or if I can't join them at a bar because I'm on a date with my husband.
I am never offended when my friends tell me no {I actually envy them!}, so I really don't know why I put this pressure on myself to say yes.
Oy, who needs a counselor now?!
Don't answer that.



Bottom line.
I'm going to start saying no.
I'm going to start enjoying my me-time.
I'm going to start putting my husband first.
I'm going to slow down. To enjoy those little things that I would normally miss out on because I'm driving like a bat out of hell through life.
I'm going to breathe.
I'm going to stay in and read or watch crime shows while my friends are at the bar.
I'm going to start letting go of my need to keep a full schedule.
I'm going to focus.
On what matters. On who matters.
On my priorities.

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16 comments:

Lindsay @ Trial By Sapphire said...

Totally valid, and it's good to let things go. Sometimes I feel that way about my husband vs. blogging. He has never said a word about how much time I'm on my laptop, but I've caught myself in the midst of being consumed by e-mails, blog reading, and post writing -- completely ignoring him on the other side of the couch. Hours will have passed. I immediately feel guilty!

Let's make a deal. You start exercising the word "no," and I'll ease up on the blog business. Yes? You've got this, Holly!

Kelly { MessyDirtyHair } said...

wow! how impressive youre getting your masters! that is just so fabulous! its hard to keep your priorities in tact, as long as your happy, i think youre ok! happy thursday love!

xo

Chelsea said...

Love how open and honest this post was! Such awesome realizations. I'm the kind of person who always feels like there is something that needs to be done. I give myself a hard time, even about having a social life, because I get so hung up on these "things" that need to be done. It is important to really set our properties straight. Like, for me, I will drop anything and everything for a family function.

I think it all depends on what works for us and who is at the top of our list. Kudos to you for really putting forth this effort now to make a change! I'm sure the results you'll see will be instant :)

Brandt Prince said...

Good luck with your education. That is a great way to prioritize your life. Your hubby will realize when he is your main priority, and he will make you his in return. Thanks for the good read.

Brandt Prince www.winningmywifeback.com

Jenna said...

Great post! And I completely respect you for being upfront and honest. That's not an easy thing to do!

Carolyn said...

I need to learn to start saying NO too!!! I'm so bad at it!!

Mary said...

Good for you, Holly! You deserve some "me" and "husband" time! Oh and I truly think you will make an amazing counselor! Good luck with that class - it sounds like a fun challenge!

Brittany said...

Great post! I am often the same way but am learning similar things in my Social Work classes. I am considering doing some kind of counseling program for grad school eventually. Your post was a really great reminder for me!

{[Jessica]} said...

this is a GREAT post. I need to figure out mine as well and if i want to jump head first into a masters degree!! I know the time consuming will mean other things will get put on the back burner... they say "people who matter dont mind and people who mind dont matter"

Happy Thursday!

Impulsive Addict said...

I have a hard time saying no too. I should take a lesson from you. I should start saying no more and enjoying my me-time a little bit more. Great advice!! Good luck!

Sami said...

Love this! It is hard to say no but it's definitely necessary! Loved your honesty in this post :)

Katie said...

Im at work reading this, but Im going to have my husband read it tonight. I feel like I have been telling him the same thing for a while now. He rushes through life and doesnt take time out for those closest to him. I dont want it to ruin "us". Very well written!!

Whitney @ Everything Happens For a Reason said...

I remember when I was getting my master's in counseling and we had to be in groups. One time, I was our teacher's counselor,NAND had to do it in front of the whole class. Scary.

Congrats on gaining insight. I found going through a graduate degree program in counseling, you learn a lot about yourself along the way.

callie ;) said...

i love everything about this! good for you - and i will never be upset with you if you need to turn down plans for you-time or shawn-time. never ever. :)

Jessica @ Lovely Little Things said...

YEP YEP YEP.
You're so right - we're on the same page for sure!
WE CAN DO ITTTT!

What are you planning on doing with that degree?!
I thought about counseling/social work for awhile :)

xo

Marietta Nixon said...

I loved how open and honest you were in this blog! Good for you for going for your masters! I have just started my social work continuing education, online. I am not to the masters status yet, but I am enjoying my classes, and might just have to keep going! Thanks again for sharing your post!

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