Thursday, April 24, 2014

mud brain

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I have no idea what I'm about to write. All I know is that I've been doing a lot of thinking, which is sometimes a good thing and sometimes a bad thing. Good, because my thoughts generate ideas and personal motivation. Bad, because I often get lost in too many ideas and can't find my motivation. I'm somewhere in between right now. That's such a strange place in my brain. Like wandering to the bathroom in the middle of the night without my glasses, like I did last night. I only ran into two walls and I didn't miss the toilet when I sat down. Small victories.

My trip to the bathroom last night would have been much easier had I just put on my glasses or even just turned on a light. But sometimes I don't do things the easy way because that would be, well, too easy. And I like a good challenge, like dodging inanimate objects. Seriously, why is it that even though we know the answer to a question or the solution to a problem, we still choose to take the path that we can't see clearly? We're all crazy - that's gotta be it.

We're crazy about discovering new solutions, new answers, new ways of knowing and understanding. We're crazy about confronting our problems, mistakes and fears. We're crazy about wanting to overcome challenges and obstacles. We're crazy because we're human and we're bred and conditioned to seek knowledge and answers.

Every night when I go to bed, my mind is spinning with thoughts and ideas and concerns and fears. I make to-do lists of things I have every intention of accomplishing, but never do. Seriously, never. Haven't done a single thing on my current running to-do life list in my head. This is where the whole getting lost in my thoughts and ideas and can't find motivation comes in. It's a vicious cycle. And often I can't remember what's on the list. I really need to start writing this shit down. Again, me not doing things the easy way.

One thought that keeps popping up over and over is what the heck I'm doing with this blog. Sometimes I feel like this blog has no point, no real purpose. Why do I even write a blog? Thinks every blogger at some point ever.

Lately, I've been thinking about finding my niche in this whole blogging world. Something that stands out. Something that is uniquely me. And though I am most definitely different from every other blogger, my "lifestyle" blog is not. I keep feeling the urge to break the mold of my own blogging style and to do something new in this space. I have an idea, but it's something that requires vetting and skill building. But it also involves something I've had a passion for since I was a little girl. I don't want to say what it is just yet, in case it doesn't come to fruition like so many of my other bedtime ideas.

Do you ever have these moments, days, weeks, months of mud brain {that's what I'm calling this strange place I feel like I'm in inside my head}?


Audra said...

I too would have gone straight to the bathroom without doing the simple task of turning on a light. Just because.

You can feel free to vet your new idea with me. Over wine. That's where the best ideas are born :)

Rachel said...

I'm feeling it now. Funny you should write that today! I have had such an itch to be creative lately and to grow my blog into something bigger, more exciting...but I don't know where to begin. Have you watched American Blogger yet? It's incredible. I watched it yesterday and it sparked my passion for writing again. You should watch it :) I have a feeling you'd love it, too.

Jamie Vespa said...

I totally understand where your mind is right now. I have those days too. As for developing this blogging niche, I wish you lots of luck on whatever this idea is of yours!!

BNM said...

All the time. I blogged hardcore last year and quit when I was going through a divorce. Ive started over and see that things are different and I dont really know where I fit...if at all.

Because of Jackie said...

I'm feeling the same blogging pains myself. It's hard, we want o feel like we are different and unique and have something that is worth reading, right? I'm looking forward to your changes, good for you! Sounds FUN;)

Krista M. said...

There is no better term than mud brain. Theres a lot going on in there for sure!

Krista M. said...

There is no better term than mud brain. Theres a lot going on in there for sure!

Kayla MKOY said...

Today I think I said "my brain is mush" like 4 times. No worries, we all feel like this at times ;)

Janna Renee said...

I've found a pretty good niche for my blog, but then I wonder if I should go a different direction for my other hobbies or just start a new blog altogether. Oh the joys of blogging.

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