Monday, April 28, 2014

one of my greatest fears

 photo 10319_529917644165_6410831_n_zpsb12557d5.jpg
{Moxyn - a black lab/golden or border collie mix, we're not sure}

More than seven years ago, Shawn and I became parents - fur parents. One of my girlfriends found a kitten wandering her apartment complex, and having found her a cat in much that same way, she returned the favor and thus our cat, Grady, found her forever home the summer after we graduated college. I will be the first person to tell you I am not a cat person, so I find it slightly ironic that my first pet was a cat. But who can resist an adorable, starving, bone-thin kitten? Nobody, that's who.

In February of the following year, Shawn and I adopted a sweet German shepherd/husky mix that we named Kilah. At four months old, it was obvious that Kilah had been abused and needed extra TLC to help her overcome her fear and anxiety of nearly everything. Read more about Kilah's story.

Another year later, we adopted our third and final member of our family, Moxyn. This puppy brought so much life and energy into our home. She irritates the shit out of Grady and she helped Kilah overcome many struggles just by being a constant companion. Mox is a total mama's girl and follows me around everywhere when I'm home. She is the first one to greet me when I wake up and when I get home.

Shawn and I joke that Kilah has his personality - homebody, calm and generally content - while Moxyn has my personality - outgoing, energetic, excitable. Grady simply shares both Shawn and my love of food.

One of my greatest fears is losing our girls. I know that it's inevitable, but the longer it is put off the better. There are times that I think about one of our pets dying and I start crying, even sobbing. Often this happens when I'm in the car alone and have a lot of time to think. Not the ideal time to be crying, am I right? Even typing these words brings tears to my eyes. I just know that the days we lose our girls will be some of my worst.

Today, Shawn's parents had to put their cat, Scruffles, down. Over the past couple of weeks, since we moved out, they had noticed she wasn't acting like herself - not eating, hiding and sleeping a lot, not playing. When they took her to the vet on Friday, the doctor confirmed their greatest fear - Scruffles had cancer. They had noticed a tiny lump on her belly, but weren't too concerned. But over three weeks, it had grown to the size of a nickle almost overnight. Turns out, Scruffies had mammary cancer which had spread quickly to her lungs. Scruffles was struggling to breathe, had completely stopped eating and drinking and rarely came out of the closet or from under the bed. So they made the decision that I pray I never have to make - they had Scruffles put down to end her suffering.

My heart breaks for them, and as hard as it must have been to make the decision to put Scruffles down, I know and they know, that they did the best thing for her. And now the lump in my throat is back. I have to quit talking about dying pets before I totally lose it. I'm off to snuggle my fur babies.

18 comments:

Sweet Catastrophe Blog said...

I totally can to relate to this. I love my dogs as if they were my children because to me that is what they are. I have found myself thinking of losing them - especially around their birthdays and it does make me extremely emotional - I sob too. I know it will happen but I'm hoping it will be years and years from now . I'm so thankful for having them because they have brought such joy into my life. And now I need to stop before I start crying!

Micah said...

I have the same fear. A lot of my friends have had to put down pets in the last year due to health reasons and my heart just broke for them. I get all teary just thinking about losing one of my cats, and they're 12 and 11, so I know that day is not too far off. :(

The Girl who Loved to Write said...

The hardest thing ever. The time they are in our life is so wonderful, though!

Blogger Ash said...

I'm not looking forward to that day with my little Scout. He's my only child! I completely understand your fears!!!

~Ashley @ A Cute Angle
acutelifestyle.blogspot.com

Steph G said...

Our pups turned 8 and 9 this year and any time that thought crosses my mind, my eyes fill up with tears. I can't even think about it. So you definitely aren't alone.

Whitney Ellen said...

This is a topic way way too close to my heart. Our babies are our everything... we get used to our routines with them and having them around is just second nature for us. I guess we just have to continue to cherish our time with our babes while we have them here with us.

Brittney, Breaking Free said...

very sad, ive never been an animal person but my bf brought home a rescue last year and I cant imagine him not in our lives

srjones03 said...

As soon as I saw the title of your post and a picture of your dog I knew what you were going to talk about and my heart sank. I have 2 cats and one dog and my Cocker Spaniel turned 13 in January. Yesterday I had one of those "bad feeling" days and was so worried I would come home to him dead in his crate. Lucky me, my bad feeling was that he had an accident in the crate (which unfortunately happens about once a month. I probably need to start coming home in the middle of the day to let him out). I found my childhood dog laying dead on the floor completely unexpected when I was 17, so I seem to think that's going to happen to all of my animals. I agree with you though, it would be much worse to make the decision to put them down. I hope your in-laws are doing OK. And enjoy the time you have with your animals now!

Jamie Vespa said...

I'm in tears just reading this because I am the same way as you - every so often, I find myself thinking about what I'd do if something happened to my sweet pup and I hold her close and tell her that she's never allowed to leave me. I know it will happen someday, but I just can't imagine the pain I'd feel on that day. My heart breaks for Shawns parents and the loss of their fur baby :(

emily said...

i actually randomly thought about what i'd do if Bowie ever died just this weekend. And now I'm going to start crying and think about this all the time!!! THANKS HOLLY!

Ericka said...

I can't even think or talk about losing our dog without getting tears in my eyes and that lump in my throat. It's amazing how much we love our pets and how easily they become part of our family. It sucks that they live such short lives (compared to us), so I guess we just need to give them the best life we can while they are here!

Because of Jackie said...

Awe, fur babies are so important in life, aren't they? Mine is curled up on my lap right now and I've had her longer than my real babies! She sleeps in bed with me every night and I would be devastated if something happened to her.

Kristen said...

oh my gosh, girl you made me cry. my cats are going to live forever, ok? the thought kills me. hubby and i want to leave a note in our house just in case we ever get broken in to or anything crazy - take anything you want, but please do not hurt the cats or let them out. crazy? we dont care, they are our most prized 'possessions'.

Janelle Garver said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Janelle {Undomestic Bliss} said...

omg, I know the feeling. I was watching a tv show and out of NOWHERE the family dog died. I grabbed Dorito and made him cuddle with me while I just cried. He was freaked out to say the least. I never even want to imagine having to deal with that!

Janna Renee said...

Aww this is so sweet. I hope your furchildren are superpets and outlive both of you!

No(dot dot)el said...

This is truly the hardest part of being an animal lover, the saying goodbye. I've had to go thru this several times over now and it almost makes me not want to get any more pets, because the heart break is just that painful.

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