Monday, May 5, 2014

derby 30 party + an embarrassing moment in which I use carpet cleaner on the car ceiling

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Allow me to tell you the story of my Saturday night and how I ended up using carpet cleaner on the ceiling of Shawn's brand new car {aka one of my most embarrassing/mortifying/lowest moments}.

My two best friends {pictured above - you may recognize Audra in the center} celebrated their 30th birthdays at a joint party hosted at the Wine Bistro. The restaurant is gorgeous inside with a rustic, antique feel. The food and wine were delicious, though I rarely meet food or wine that I don't like. Because the Kentucky Derby was run on Saturday, my besties decided to have a "Derby 30" {a little word play on "dirty thirty," clever, clever} theme for the party, complete with Derby hats and fascinators.

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I purchased my hat at Target, using a coupon on Cartwheel, and clipped the black/peacock feather hair accessory I already owned to it. Bada bing, bada boom. I donned pearls and a $6 dress I got at Marc's, but was originally from Target also. Shawn and I fueled up on the BLT flatbread and wine for me, Bud Light for him.

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This bottle of wine would be the beginning of my demise. Ironically, the name of it was Il Bastardo, which is the name I would use to curse said bottle at 2:30 a.m. while I was cleaning the car ceiling with carpet cleaner. I blame "The Bastard" for being much too tasty for it's own good and my apparent lack of self control when it comes to tasty wine.

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After celebrating at the Wine Bistro, we headed to a local bowling alley for some midnight glow bowl. Clearly, this is where things started to get a little hazy for me.

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Please note the bowling socks. There are bowling pins and a bowling ball on them and they are legit. Thick, cozy socks to protect your feet from whatever fungus lurks in the overused bowling shoes. And I think they gave me magical dancing powers. But that may have just been the 80s and 90s tunes spinning all night. Or the bowling - I beat Shawn during our first game. Or the bowling alley pizza. Or the beer. Whatever it was, I was on fire!

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I heavily debated sharing this part of the evening with you because, at 30 years old, I feel like I should have learned all the lessons that come with alcohol consumption. And I am utterly embarrassed by my behavior. Thank goodness Shawn was the only witness to my debauchery. Come to think of it, he usually is the only one to bare witness to my most embarrassing/mortifying/lowest moments and he loves me anyway. I got a keeper, ladies. Anyway, I decided that there are a few lessons you all need to learn from my unfortunate situation, because apparently you're really never too old to learn something new, or to be reminded of lessons learned from drinking in college. 

So the rest of this story takes place in our brand new, 2014 Escape on the drive home and in our garage. After dropping Audra and her husband off at home, I drifted off in the passenger seat. About seven minutes from home, I woke up to the churning of my stomach. I tapped Shawn's arm furiously to pull over because I knew if I opened my mouth it wasn't going to be pretty. Apparently we were in a roundabout at the time, and it took him about 10 seconds too long to pull over and needless to say, my hands were not big enough to catch the contents of my stomach. I did manage to get most of it outside of the car, but the damage had been done. I don't know whether to be impressed by my performance or horrified. I think the latter makes the most sense.

I was actually quite upset with myself. And embarrassed, which is rare for me. The last seven minutes of the drive home felt like an eternity, starring out a speckled window and windshield. Once we pulled into the garage, I flew into a cleaning frenzy, demanding that Shawn let me handle the aftermath. Armed with Windex, Green Works and of course carpet cleaner, we spent the next hour or so {I really am a bad judge of time when I'm drunk} erasing all traces of the wine, cheese, pizza and beer I'd consumed all night.

I'm pretty sure had I not started crying due to embarrassment, Shawn would have divorced me on the spot. What's ironic is that the last car Shawn leased found itself in the same situation just months after purchase thanks to his best friend and a rowdy football Sunday.

So here are a few lessons I learned on Sunday morning at 2:30 a.m.:

1 // Wine before beer = the worst combination ever. They don't teach you this in college because college kids don't drink wine. But let it be known that purple rain is a real thing, not just a Prince song.

2 // Wine hangovers are no joke and require at least five hours of sleep the next day to fully recover.

3 // Carpet cleaner with a scrub brush attached to the bottle is the best way to clean purple stains off a car ceiling.

4 // Febreze vent clips are a life, well more like nose, saver when stomach contents find their way into your car vent.

5 // Q-tips and a drain snake are best for removing debris from car vents. However, cleaning stomach contents out of a car vent is the worst. Avoid at all cost.

6 // Having your stomach contents on your hands and face and in your jewelry is disgusting. Avoid this too.

7 // Showering after cleaning stomach contents out of a vehicle is highly recommended.

8 // My dress was machine washable.

9 // My husband is a friggin' SAINT!

10 // Avoid above scenario at all cost. This is the most important lesson I learned. And I have since promised Shawn that I will not let it happen again. We all have to grow up sometime. Looks like it's my turn.


Miss Chelsea said...

hahahah aww that's so terrible

Health, Love & Fire said...

Omg I feel so terrible for you. . . but as I was reading all of it I could just picture this happening to me too! Hope you're feeling better today!

Brittney, Breaking Free said...

omg bless your heart that sounds horrible but at least you had a great time before hand right?!

The Girl who Loved to Write said...

Bless your heart!!! Everyone has those moments--props to you for cleaning everything up yourself!

Margaret said...

Oh girl- I've been there!! Pretty sure a few years ago on my birthday, I had to have my DAD pull over so I could puke on the side of the road after he picked me up from a bar. Yyyep. Never fun.

But it does sound like an awesome night!! Pre-car vomiting.

~*Night Owl*~ said...

The floppy hats are killing me. I find them funny. Makes me think of what they wear at the horse races or some fancy party. Glad you had fun and a good weekend. Sucks it got hazy during bowling. Love those shoes. Goes well with your dress. LOL:P

Because of Jackie said...

First of all, the bowling pictures of you and your friends all dressed up and wearing socks and bowling shoes is hilarious! I'm sorry the tasty wine/beer combo didn't work out, I probably would have done the same thing, except five hours earlier since I CANNOT handle my liquor anymore. SAD FACE.

Lauren said...

LOLOLOL. I was DYING reading this. TOO funny.

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, I would have died if that had been me, and killed you if I had been Shawn. He is a saint!

And I can't think of anyone that could have turned this debauchery into a comedy. You did though! :)

Kristine said...

Hahaha oh how often I've been in this situation. Which now makes me sound like a raging alcoholic but whatever ;)

Kelly said...

This looks like SUCH a fun event!

xx Kelly
Sparkles and Shoes

Renee said...

I need to know your outfit details from the bowling pictures! bahah those pictures are seriously hilarious!

srjones03 said...

Aww that's the worst! But I feel ya - I started off at a winery on my 21st birthday. Needless to say, the night did not end well at all. Glad you were able to clean up!

Janna Renee said...

Haha oooohhhh you poor thing! I'm so thankful that other than my 21st birthday, this scenario hasn't happened to me. I promise I'll try to avoid it in the future!

Caitlyn @ChemGradBoom said...

After moving to the mountains I had a little to much to drink at a "Don't Bring Your Own Beverage party" and my poor BF had to stop every 10 seconds (or so it seemed) on the ride home. Times like that are when you know you have a keeper! And I am impressed you cleaned after that, I felt like death...

Caitlyn @ChemGradBoom said...

After moving to the mountains I had a little to much to drink at a "Don't Bring Your Own Beverage party" and my poor BF had to stop every 10 seconds (or so it seemed) on the ride home. Times like that are when you know you have a keeper! And I am impressed you cleaned after that, I felt like death...

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